Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Beautiful Suprise

"Whatever it is that you came to teach me I am here to learn it
cuz I believe that we are written in the stars
and I don't know what the future holds but I'm living in the moment
and I'm thankful for the man that you are..."

First let me apologize for the temper tantrum that I left you with. Life has really been playing me, well I guess more like teaching me. Teaching me about myself, teaching me about others, teaching me about patience, teaching me about love. See the last time I posted I was in utter depression/devastation and all because what I wanted to be happening was not happening. Well after living and waiting and healing and reflecting, I realize that it didn't mean that it would never happen. It simply meant, "Jazz chill the hell out!"

Needless to say I'm in a much better place right now. No longer bitter, angry, and ready to give up. And as most of you probably predicted love and I have reconciled and I am once again a humble servant to my deity. I hate to have to eat my words but the truth of the matter is I was at a standstill, a crossroads of sorts that is now being revealed to me had nothing to do with me. Yes I was in "like" with a boy who seemingly did not feel the same way. But his actions or reactions had less to do with me and more to do with him. And not only that but I have a big problem with patience and growth. That sounds bad but I guess a better way to put it is to say that I want what I want when I want it. Not possible all the time, not even possible most of the time.

So there I was giving up on love and resolving to give up on a budding friendship that was great. Sometimes I can be so short-sighted. Fortunately, my bark was a lot bigger than my bite and I realized that I shouldn't give up. Now almost a month later I am in one of the BEST friendships of my life with one of the most awesome guys I've ever met. Will there ever be a love connection? Who knows... but I am content in knowing that there is above all else a genuine love and appreciation for each other, a special bond that connects us and I'm grateful for that. He was sent to me for a reason and whatever it is I am listening, learning, loving... This living in the moment stuff is hard but soo fulfilling...

Until the next song plays...