"There was nowhere else to go
Nobody else to turn to
For the rest of my life
I promise myself
I will love me first genuinely..."
Friendship has been a little hard to handle lately. I am very much the type of person that, once I feel close to person, a friend, I am inclined to feel that way until otherwise I decide not to. Weird as it may be, I very quickly become attached to my friends. So lately I have been realizing that this is not so true for the rest of the world. I mean yeah there are so many people around me that I love and support and hang out with etc. Yet on those days when I am sad, lonely, frustrated, excited, whatever there hasn't been anyone around for me to share that with. I miss my close circle that I use to have back in the high school and college days. You know that one group of girls that did everything together, then on top of that knew everything about each other. Man I enjoy the security of knowing when something goes down all I have to do is pick up the phone...
I guess things change as we age an mature. Instead of my girls being maybe a floor or classroom away, now my real close friends are states away. Yeah I can pick up the phone and give her a ring but it's just not the same. And don't get me wrong the people that are close to me vicinity wise are not bad people it's just the history, the investment, the time is not there... yet.
In these times of loneliness, in missing my girls, and trying to figure out how to create new circles, I realize that I need to get it together. What I mean is that, I have to be content in my solitude sometimes. It's hard of course and yes the extrovert in me is slowly being forced to calm down but, I think I'm growing and realizing that I don't have to be sad and lonely. I can use this time to understand myself better and what it is I really want out of friendship. I am convinced that there must be a reason for all of this going on in my life at this moment... I just hope it doesn't last much longer...
Until the next song plays...
-Jazz
