Monday, February 8, 2010

So Much Things To Say

"Remember that
See when this rain falls, it don't, fall on one man's house top
They've got so much things to say right now
They've got so much, so much things to say
They've got, heh, so much things to say right now"

-Bob Marley

Yes my friends it has been a minute since I've come and shared with you all... Saying I've missed you would truly be an understatement! But to say I've been busy would be one too. Life has thrown some curve balls lately and I find myself needing to come here and open my heart and soul and pour out all those things I haven't been able to say. I've experienced the coming of a New Year and the dawning of a new decade. I've had a birthday and entered the year of 25 which I am very excited about!

So the soundtrack has brought me to a place of having "So much things to say right now..." In this past couple of months I have truly been on a growth spurt. As we all know I have been on this quest to love. Love not only myself in a more effective way but to love those around me in a more healthy way. This journey I know is a life-long one and one that has and will continue to require asking the hard questions to myself, and others as well as being transparent when all you wanna do is hide. Lately I have had to do some of that and it hasn't been pretty. See at this point I'm really trying to put all of the lessons I've been learning into action and begin to be that person. The person that learns from the past and doesn't foolishly repeat it.

So the most recent thing I've had to deal with is my almost fear of taking up for myself when it comes to certain people in my life. I'm in no way a timid person but there are few people that have this way of making me clam up when I know I should speak or cause me to compromise when I shouldn't. So lately the Jazz on the inside has been speaking up for herself, having those courageous conversations and not allowing anyone to steal her space. And I freakin love it!

I have also come to the realization that I deserve all that I want and desire! For too long I have justified the fear and anxiety that has caused me to either not go for the things that I want or has caused me to fool myself into thinking that I don't really want it. I've even gotten to the point of doubting myself and actually believing that others deserved the things that I wanted more than me because they were smarter, or prettier, or whatever. These lies I have been telling myself are so destructive to the me I am growing to be and you know what? They stop today!

I am the best Jazz that I can be right now and if there are things that I want I need to go after them with everything I have inside of me. I have to realize that I have the ability to accomplish any task that I set my mind to with ease and comfort. I also have to choose to see the best that is already inside of me because of who I am as a creation of the Master of the Universe. Does this mean that I have it all together? Of course not. Does this mean that growth stops? Absolutely not! This is where growth continues and becomes effective. We must learn to accept ourselves and that means not allowing ourselves to doubt that we are any less than what we are, and what we are, what I am at this very moment is beautiful. Is the caterpillar any less beautiful than the butterfly?

Ok friends well with all these new revelations life is certainly going to be more exciting :)

Until the next song plays...

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