"Nevermind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me I begged I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Here we are again, February 14 has come yet again and for all of you that know me know far too well how this day for me is always a little hard. I'm that girl, that girl that "loves love". And this day 5 years ago I ended a relationship that was supposed to be forever, called off the one thing that I had been waiting all of my life for, left a man that at one time was the very embodiment of my dream prince charming. And every Valentine's Day I can't help but remember all of the hurt and pain that came with that. I always look back with loneliness in my heart and a mind full of "what ifs". As I began to think about this today I was reminded that this past relationship, past love affair, past almost wedding has held on to me for so long because I've let it. I've allowed this one time in my life to consistently cause me to replay this pain. I've held on to this too long and I've idealized it way too much.
The truth is that day as sad as it was, was the beginning of a new me. That day brought so much power to me that I never even realized I had. That day, I chose ME over all of the things I thought I "needed" or wanted or thought I should have. I decided that I would be fine loving myself. I decided that I wouldn't settle for a love that wasn't real or true or for me. And in doing that I took control of my life back from the idealistic, unreal, untrue, farce that love had become to me. I recognized that not only was I worth so much more but that one day I would have it. I didn't need to settle for someone that was a version of prince charming, I could have the real one and even if he never came I loved me enough.
So today I celebrate for the first time in 5 years I'm freeing myself from this pain. I am surrounded on a daily basis by people that LOVE me truly love me. It may not be the romantic love but it IS real. It IS true. It IS for me. And I can't, won't, will try my best not to complain anymore.
Last night I asked God to show me that I was beautiful, loved and wanted. It's funny how God works... This is the best gift I could ever get for Valentine's Day... I think for the first time I'm ok that sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts...
Until the next song plays...