Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Water Runs Dry

"why do we hurt each other?
why do we push love away?"
-Boyz II Men

I know I haven't been the best blogger. I know I've been gone for a while and haven't been keeping you updated on what the haps are on this soundtrack and I'm sorry. To be quite honest I have been kind of on a long walk alone. By my lonesome. I've been taking a lot of time to think and reevaluate everything in my life. And people have noticed; it's funny just a couple months ago I was so into the idea of spending time with friends and family and new friends that I was not in the least bit concerned about taking time out for myself. And the very same people that I tried so hard to offer myself and my time to, seemingly pushed it away, yet now when I have the notion to be by my dammie, all of the sudden everyone seems to feel pushed away, shut out etc.

Where the hell were these people when my life was in social crisis??? O well you know I just chaulk it up to not missing the water til the well runs dry...

I'm attempting to balance things out now. I want to be there for my friends and loved ones but... I also want to take care of myself and that means appreciating my own water. The life-giving power that is within me is only to be sustained and replenished by me taking time to take care of me. So now I come first, and if that means some people don't get called everyday, so be it. And if it also means that maybe just maybe social butterfly Jazz just doesn't want to be bothered when you feel that she should... my only answer is to get over it!

I have come to understand that people in general, well most people, look out for themselves first. This is cool and expected, but I previously was not one of these people. I used to bend over backwards and try to accomodate those around me until I noticed that those around me were not doing this in return. I don't blame them I blame myself. No one should come before me in my life. The thing I am a little peeved about tho is the fact that now because I am putting me first, people accuse me of being distant, or hermit-like. Again I have to say... they'll get over it. My friends, family, and other loved ones are just gonna have to understand that the day has come when I am my own priority. So hopefully we after reading this blog some of them will gain some clarity on my recent relclusion and they will begin to be more appreciative of the well...

Until the next song plays...

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