Thursday, May 28, 2009


"Free like a flying dove
Free like the moon above
Free like the four letters that spell out L-O-V-E love
Free like the bluest sky
Free like wings up high
Free like... free like"
-Jill Scott

I'm tired. I'm tried of life right now. Maybe it's because I have not had a real break or vacation in like who knows when, or maybe it's because I don't get enough sleep ever, but maybe just maybe it's just me. I mean I feel so drained and nothing as done the job of renewing me.
Now that my program is coming to an end I will have some free time and some me. I wish I could just get away for a while. Away from life as I know it. Away from waking up early and going to bed late. Away from fixing dinner and giving baths. Away from ignorant bosses and even more ignorant coworkers. And yes even away from my leisure activities. I want to escape to a paradise where my only responsibility is to be happy.
Honestly, I want to go to Oakland. O Oakland. That's where my best friend lives. He was always the one that had the capability to make me feel like I was in another place. A surreal state of mind. And although I am making the concious decision not to go there and visit him (for o so many reasons) I still have a vision of what it would be like to do so...

Maybe it's not even about Oakland. Maybe the problem is that I am at the point in my life where I feel like something has to shake! I mean I feel like I'm at a standstill and I just need that breakthrough into my own destiny. These 10 months have been great don;t get me wrong but in my reflection I realize that it was only a transition. Many would look at me and assume that my graduation from this program means nothing but to me this has been a time for such growth. I have litterally been in my coccoon. I have honestly, and wholeheartedly looked at me in the mirror and loved, and understood, and purged, and most of all transformed. I need now to emerge from this coccoon and spread my wings and fly. I need to fly. I need to be free and fly and soar and be. I need to do this. I need to begin again and that means leaving all of this mundane mediocre bs alone. Getting rid of the nouns in my life that aren't worth my time. Getting rid of the doubts in my own mind that try their hardest to hold me back. I've come such a long way just to get stuck in this so I am stepping into my freedom. Stepping into the newness that I have created, and stepping away from everything that I have let go of from the past. It's been almost a year since I made the decision to love me and grow into the me that I was meant to be. I am free now...

Until the next song plays...

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