Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Purify Me

"It's like you're baptizing me with your love...
...Like a glimmer of life
Like a vision of light
And he's so perfect I couldn't picture him if I tried"
-India Arie

Today is such a special day. Today is the anniversary of my mommyhood. This day 4 years ago I was baptized. Baptized by the love only a mother could feel for their child. Baptized into the greatest responsibility of my life. Baptized into a new and totally different See before I had my son, I was at a bad point in my life. I was kind of aimlessly living and being thrown to and from by circumstance. Sure I had goals and dreams and visions of what I wanted but I didn't either know how or care enough to do what it took to accomplish them. I was also in a bit of an unhealthy relationship to say the least. Basically life was living me, not the other way around. Once I found out I was pregnant, all that changed... quickly. I had to get my shit together. I could no longer play with life, I was now going to be in charge of someone else and all of my decisions were gonna affect them DIRECTLY. Sure this may sound like the beginning (or ending) of a couple lifetime movies but I'm telling you for a lot of mothers... this feeling of urgency regarding responsibility is all too real.

Once he was born, and I was no longer under the influence of the general anesthesia, I held him and I just could not believe the reality. I was looking into the eyes of a person that I created. Honestly giving birth and the aftermath is a truly spritual experience. His presence was my very own confirmation that not only does a greater being exist, but they are truly merciful, wonderful, and most of all faithful.

And 4 years later... I feel the exact same way. Sure I haven't made all the right decisions, nor have I perfected motherhood. But we're here, and we're taken care of. I say this not in boast but as a testimony of what I know to be real.

My baptism 4 years ago changed my life. It changed the very essence of my life, and I haven't been the same since. Everyday now, I strive to be a better me so that I can be a better mother for him. Now that he's at the point of having his own personality I can just feel LOVE in each word, action, goodnight kiss he gives. I was purified by HIS love... Thank you GOD!

Until the next song plays...

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