Weak

"I don't know what it is that you've done to me...
but it's caused me to act in such a crazy way.
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing..."
-SWV

So have you ever been in the situation where you don't know why you feel the way that you feel about someone? I mean you want to feel one way but everything in your mind soul and body feels differently? Ugh if you have never been in this predicament let me tell you, it is not a fun situation. That thin line between love and hate is getting thinner and thinner every moment. There is someone. Someone that I hate. Someone that irks the hell out of me and makes me want to rip their eyelashes off one by one yet... Yet this person has done something to me to make me not able to control this other feeling. This feeling of nervousness whenever they are around or try to engage me in conversation. This feeling that I can't stop smiling when I look at them. This bullshit of a crush that is beginning to develop... again. O yes we have gone through this foolishness before. I have gone down that path and came right back running and screaming so I ask myself... Why the hell would you even dare to contemplate making that same mistake again? I am truly and honestly pissed off at myself and my feelings. Here I am trying to grow and evolve and learn, and my dumb feelings are trying to revert back to their old ways.

I refuse! I like this place of being content in hating this person. I mean I deserve this feeling. I am comfortable in it and I know how to deal with it. Well I admit hate is a strong word but that's why i chose it. I strongly hate the way that this person made me feel. I hate their dumb words and stupid presence. Ok I am being childish and immature but there is this part of me that wants to be done with you when you make me sad. And it has usually worked for me but this person, well they must have discovered the secret. So I'm mad and I feel a bit betrayed by my feelings. I want this to stop and I will every day force myself not to think of them, to stop smiling when I think about them or talk to them, and most of all stop thinking about them period!

Help... the soundtrack is picking songs and I don't even have control of them anymore!

Until the next song plays...
-Jazz