Fall For Your Type

"Can I can I save you from you...
...Trying to convince myself I found one,
making the mistake I never learned from"

-Jamie Foxx

I am so pissed at myself... I have been on this damn journey of growth and learning and what not and here I am again mad (meaning I let my feelings get involved) when I should not even be wasting my time with this bull shit...

How is it that there is one person that I formerly banished from my life and he keeps freaking showing up? I mean I knew this type of guy, he was the guy I fell for in high school, I fell for him in college, hell I even had his baby and even though I PROMISE myself that I will not fall for him again I find myself angry at myself all over again...
The guy I'm referring to is the Charmer. I have always had a soft spot for this irritatingly suave and captivating personality. I blame Disney and their stupid obsession with Prince Charming saving the stupid day. I watched those movies all my childhood and I subscribed to that idea and I fight with myself every time over it. So anyway here I am beating myself up again and of course the song that comes on my Pandora station is... "Always Fall For Your Type" (didn't I tell you my life had a soundtrack???) So I looked hard at the lyrics.
I think what I can most identify with is the fact that in the song he seems to have a regretful tone all the while still allowing the progression of this relationship/fling/interaction. The past for me was the worst. Like I said ever since my first charming love I dated the same type of guy perpetually. Then I took a step back and was like ok get it together, and what happened? I stopped dating altogether. Now in my single hood I have somehow allowed myself to without dating the charming guy, still allow him to piss me off. The crazy thing about the charming guy is that he is never satisfied. He has his #1 and #2 and most likely at least #3 but he ALWAYS wants MORE. And as hard as I am trying to not be any of his numbers I still allow myself to feel anger when I see his advances toward me. Like really? You have all these girls that will allow you to have all these girls but yet you still invite me to the movies, buy me drinks if you see me out and try to hypnotize me with your allure? Get out of my face!!!!

I have been strong and I plan to continue to avoid his advances but I still can't shake this anger that we will never be the people that we want each other to be. I'll never be the "open relationship" girl and he'll never be the "settling down" type. So why do we always fall for each other?

The other frustrating part is that when I try to expand my preferences and date guys that are in no way charming, smooth or suave it's like they don't know how to handle my personality and I end up in the other place that I loathe... The "Friend" box. Ahh I swear dating can be so frustrating sometimes!!!! I'm so glad I have you to vent to... In the mean time I will be doing a couple wooo-saaaahs and reminding myself that my one is out there, hopefully he's the charming guy that does want to settle down...

I just can't explain this shit at all...

Until the next song plays...
-Jazz