Nobody Knows

"I'm dyin' inside
and nobody knows it but me"

-Tony Rich

Each day I get a little stronger, I process it a little more, I grow a little taller, my heart hurts a little less. But the hardest part aside from healing from the hurt and getting over the initial anger, I miss my friend. I just miss my friend.

I miss what our friendship would have been without any of this. I miss the way that we were. I miss the inside jokes and having a person there that knew me without me having to explain anything. In all of this I can't help but think about if our friendship would have ever gotten to the point it was at without all of the extra. If not for my feelings, I would certainly not have spent that much time with him, or invested what I did, or cared the way I cared. I guess that makes me foolish. I'll give you that.

I finally feel like forgiveness is the resolution to all of this. I don't wanna feed my anger, I don't wanna look back and feel cheated, or bitter, or betrayed, or any of that. I wanna look back and smile. I wanna be able to remember the good times, the inside jokes, and the fun. I wanna tell stories of a friendship that was great, a friend that was there when I needed him. A friend who's season in my life was a bright one. A friend that I will always love, but know that I must love from a far.
I'm a little melancholy today but I'm making it... This is all a part of the process...

Until the next song plays...

-Jazz