"By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend
That it somehow lingered on..."
Friday the 13th and Valentine's Day Eve. Today was supposed to be, in single Jasmine's mind, a bad day. A very, bad day. A no good, horrible, rotten, complain about the couples, turn off the radio because of the love songs, prepare myself for Toni Braxton's Secrects album and wallowing in the fetal position tomorrow kind of day. But you know what? It wasn't that kind of day at all.
Today I had so much on my mind, I had to prepare a session of community building for the program that I'm in and I looked love in the face today and smiled. I gathered 11 of my program participants together and cooked for them, decorated for them, made a mix cd of love songs for them, and basically dated them for our session.
At first I did not want to think about V-day because of my current situation. I just wanted the calendar to skip from February 13th to February 15th. I mean Valentine's Day wasn't gonna mean anything to me. But that attitude was only gonna last so long. Why? Because I'm a hopeless romantic. I freakin love valentine's day! Everything about it says Jasmine. So instead of running from it I decided to run right into it. I decided to focus my love in a way that was not romantic. I mean the magic V-day rules booklet never said it had to be about romantic love only. So anyway I got my group together and did for them what I might have done for my SO if I had one. And magically, well unexpectedly, it felt damn good! It felt good to express my love in other forms. So insert a-ha! moment here...
I have found that I can get just as much joy from non-romantic love that I can from the romantic kind. This is all new to me. Well let me rephrase that. All my life I have viewed love as different things for different people or relationships. So the family love is cozy, feel good love. The friend love is that ride or die love. The mother-child love is that die for you love. But the butterflies in the stomach, silly, goofy, excited love well that was reserved for the mate. I mean I know I'm not the only one that had the understood call-waiting hierarchy in high-school.
Well today I reject that school of thought! I know that love is multi-faceted, that is one of the greatest thing about love. But for me, from this point on, I will view love as just love. No special nametag or set of special accessories depending on the who or whom. I just want my love to be just as intense, just as pure, just as exciting regardless of the situation. This frees me to be the best lover I can be and it doesn't create a ingenuine love for those that I love.
So this Valentine's Day I will not be looking at the lack of the romantic love in my life as a deficit, I will see this day as a very special day for me to concentrate on perfecting my love to ALL of my loved ones. I want everyone I love to know how much I love and appreciate them and that I will vow (to try) to spend the rest of this year thankful for their presence and not bitter for the abscence of romantic companionship.
I'm glad this moment of clarity is lingering on.
Until the next song plays...