Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Let It Flow

"First thing Monday morning, I'm gonna pack my tears away..."
-Toni Braxton

I'm hurt. I'm utterly devastated. And the thing about it is, I'm not even afraid to say so. Since it happened last night, I have felt on the brink of tears. All day I have been listening to sad love songs. Secrets has been found, dusted off, and on repeat. Here I am yet again in the same damn situation. I'm so sick and fuckin tired of being sick and tired. This hopeless romantic shit is for the birds. I'm angry at love and life and everyone and everything. I deserve better than this. I'm entitled to at least a fair chance at this thing. But no. Not for me. All I get is disappointment and the feeling that love is playing games with me to get it's fuckin jollies. I'm sad, disappointed, mad, angry, distraught and even worse... at the point of giving up.

Love is not supposed to be this hard! Where is my reward for giving my all? My consolation for believing completely and utterly in love? Is this how love treats it's most dedicated servant? After everything we've been through, after I lost hope in everything else in life but still clung to my hope in you? All this only to be brutally rebuffed by the only thing I thought I could trust to be honest and true?

I'm finished. Well not yet. I will morn this for a bit. I will grieve not only the situation, but the conclusion it's brought me to. I will grieve for love. I will grieve for feelings in general. I will grieve because after disappointments like this time after time, a part of me has died on the inside. I never asked for much but I guess it still isn't for me. I just don't wanna try anymore. I bow out.

Monday morning... I'm breaking up with love.

Until the next song plays...

No comments: