Bed

"I'm staring at you while you sleep, irreplaceable beauty
put my face up in your neck and breathe
take you into my senses, wake up it's time to finish
round two, it's round two, matter of fact, it's closer to three"
-J. Holiday

Man this song... I mean everytime it comes on I am hypnotized by it. I saw him perform this song in concert and truly I felt like he was singing this only to me. I know I've said before how I need to stop listening to love songs... But I mean does this really count? I mean this is not really a love song. Its not really talking about being in love. The man singing this is not focusing on how he wants to marry this woman and build a life with her. He definitely seems like he likes this girl a whole lot but he is in the moment of his lust.

What I'm learning from this song and other songs like it, is that it's ok to just be in the moment. Not everything is true love, marriage, life-long, or permanent. Somtimes it is ok to just be in the moment. Even if that moment is lust. This is a huge realization for me. I am so caught up in defining everything. My world is very black and white. Love or hate. In or out. This or that. But as a friend of mine told me recently, "it's time to come into the gray". So I'm learning to live in the gray. And to be honest I like this gray stuff.

I enjoy having the freedom to let things be and live in the moment. I have been socialized, I believe because I'm a woman, to need things mostly relationships to be well defined. First comes love then comes marriage etc. etc. Nothing is wrong with that, but it is necessary to understand that this is not always the case and it doesn't have to be the case. This goes not only for relationships, it's applicable to so much more. I think we as a society have such a problem with just letting things be, we must have them fit into our ready-made boxes and the truth is life just doesn't work out that way all the time. People aren't only black or white, rich or poor, gay or straight, tall or short. Life is just life and people are just people. So just let stuff be... It actually makes life a little easier and we can all benefit from that.

So the next time I'm listening to J. holiday sing to me about how bad he wants to put me to bed, I won't have to think about the wedding that came before in order to be in the moment with him. I can fully exist in the space where it's just he and I and his breath on my neck and well allow it... Now of course in reality it's not J. Holiday and we're not going to bed but hey it could happen...

Until the next song plays...
-Jazz