Friday, March 13, 2009

Get It Together

"One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends"
-India Arie

So the past couple of weeks have been pretty hectic. Work, life, motherhood, everything has been just a little bit much so I have been STRESSED! In my times of uberstress there is usually one thing or group of people that I turn to; my friends. My girls are usually the ones that hold me down, make me laugh, and help me to relieve stress. Not this week. This week, one day in particular, I was on the edge. I was at the breaking point and one of my friends... Man they took me there. See this friend of mine I notice has not fully grown out of the "selfish" phase that we all go through in our lives. Well at least not when it comes to me. Sometimes I feel that they see me as their "fix-it" person. Anyway, on this particular day I just needed my friend to not put any pressure on me, not ask me for anything, and say something funny. That's not what happened. In fact, this person actually caused me to be more stressed than before, so I got angry. I got short tempered, I got grumpy, I got moody. Honestly, I got my feelings hurt. Especially since I feel as though I'm always there for them when they need it. All I wanted was a little reciprocity.

Everytime this happens, which is beginning to be more often than not, I start reevaluating my friendships. I start looking at the reasons I'm friends with my friends and I start to look for evidence of exchange.

Friendship means a lot to me. Most of my friends have been my friends for quite some time and even those that haven't I feel that we have the kind of connection that will last for years. I try very hard to be a good friend but sometimes in my attempt to be the "best" friend, I'm thinking maybe I set myself up for situations like this. I need to stop. I need to start being realistic about what friendship is and what it is not. It is not necessary for me to be everything to all of my friends. Especially to the point where it's my every-thing to their some-thing, or no-thing. I have to create my friendship boundaries and not offer more of myself than I can give. I think this will also help manage my expectations for their behavior and reciprocation. Basically I want to own my 20%.

So the next time my friend wants me to move the mountains for them, I need to pause look at the situation and first think; are there any mountains in my way?

Until the next song plays...

1 comment:

Mocha' said...

I have felt this same way too many times.It seems as if I give 100% to my friends only to receive 10% back.I realized,that certain group of people were not my real friends,and I had to let them go before I lost too much of myself.It sounds like you and your friends may have more years invested in your friendship than we did.My advice would be to talk to them about how you feel.Hopefully,they will understand where you're coming from.