Sunday, June 27, 2010

Good Mourning

"Good mourning independence or is it loneliness? I know I said I wanted this but I have regrets I pray for God's will to be done The very next day you were gone"
-India Arie

Day 20

Speaking of musical comfort the soundtrack brings me to India who is the ultimate musical soulmate...
At this point in my soundtrack I just feel sad... I'm sad that something I want so bad is unattainable. I'm sad that my heart just simply will not submit to this detox and is giving me a hell of a time in my attempt to give up on love... I just want my heart to get with the program. I mean time after time after freakin time life is proving the reality that love is not for me so I need to just stop right?!

I prayed for this... I prayed for my desire to be in a relationship to be taken away since I know that is never gonna happen... Yes it's sad but I'm tired of being sad... I'm tired of feeling down and feeling defeated. I know this is what I wanted when I embarked on this journey but I'm beginning to wonder if I bit off more than I could chew...

Regardless sadness seems to be an emotion I just can't quite get away from nowadays... Things keep happening that cause me to fall off the wagon all over again... They say joy comes in the morning... I just hope it comes after this mourning...

Until the next song plays...
-Jazz

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