Love of My Life

"Everything I did before you, wasn't worth my while
It should've been you all the time"
- Brian McKnight

Day 6 my friends and at almost a week in I am starting to get into this realm of constant questioning...

See it's a lot harder to reject something that has been the major focus of my life for basically all of my life. I can't really think of a time when I wasn't anticipating my wedding, planning for the future with my husband, or just all caught up in the greatness that I thought love was. This being said I am now finding myself with a lot of displaced feelings. Instead of having some foolish boy to crush on and devote time on my life to the what-ifs with him, I find myself a little dumbfounded with what to do with all of this extra attention.

(Insert epiphany #2...)

I am the love of my life! and the thing about it is I should have always been. I should have realized that since love was not living up to it's hype, and I was the one always doing the loving, I had no place to look for reciprocity except inward.

Woooow... I mean all this time I've been such a fool. I mean I've known all this time that I am great at being a love interest. I do all the things that make that special someone feel... well special. I mean cards for no reason at all, special dinners, presents, quality time, affirmations, I mean the WHOLE NINE YARDS. I am basically fluent in every love language and I've been wasting this gift on fools that just want to use me up. Well I'm done with that crap!

For the duration of this detox and probably for the rest of my life, I am now going to be the love of my life. I'm going to do all of those things that I would have, did, and wanted to do for some foolish male, for me. This should definitely fill up that void that I had and give me something to do with all of that displaced emotion. Thank God for this epiphany because otherwise I may have just converted all of that to anger which would not have been good for anyone...

So here's to the new me loving all of me. Here's to recognizing that every boy that I wasted time on before this a ha moment was a waste of my time and I should have been my focus from the very beginning...

At least it only took 25 years to find my soulmate...

Until the next song plays...
- Jazz